Pretending
by DracoLovesPansy
Summary: Astoria keeps pretending.


Asteria had been to those dinner parties the Malfoy's used to have when they were younger. Yes, she'd been there. Against her will, she'd been dragged along to those dreadful nights of complete embarrassmentf. As soon as they got there, Daphne would run off to meet Pansy and Draco and the other "cool" people. Her parents would chitchat with the other adults, and Asteria would be left alone. Each time. Daphne would ignore her the entire night, and if they saw each other, she would roll her eyes at Asteria and whisper something to Pansy, who started sniggering at once.

Now, it wasn't like Asteria _wanted _to be with them, she just… She didn't want to be completely alone. Because _he_ would see her. Draco Malfoy. He'd see what a total loner she was. How quiet, how shy, how… asocial. He'd see that she was nothing more than the little sister who just tugged along with her big sister, wanting to be a part of the gang. He'd also see that she _could_ never.

Pansy and Daphne… It was always those two. It was those two who _always_ had all of the attention. It was those two, Queen Bitches of Slytherin, who got the boys. It was those two who, in fact, got _everything_. And in Pansy and Daphne's shadow, Asteria was nothing. She was barely noticeable.

Asteria was the pretty one of the sisters. She was a "natural beauty" with her long, light blonde hair, dark brown eyes, and slender figure. When she was little, she was repeatedly told how beautiful she was. The adults adored her. Her grandmother, though, used to take her aside when no one -especially not Daphne - was looking. Asteria remember exactly how she looked, how she smelled, how she smiled that little gentle, knowing smile, twinkle in eye… She'd bend down to Asteria's height and ask her if she wanted another sweet. Asteria would nod, and then she'd suck on the sweet, having that feeling of warmth and pride in her chest. Her parents had never, not once, done something like that to her. Treated her like she was special. Like she deserved to get one more sweet than _Daphne_. They'd never defended Asteria when Daphne was mocking her. They'd never even cared. Her grandmother wanted her to feel better. And it helped, too. It helped a great deal. When she later had died, something broke inside of Asteria. She didn't even cry. But her stomach ached, except that she didn't _have_ a stomach. She had nothing.

Daphne had wanted to look like her sister. Not even _Daphne _had been able to deny that Asteria had good looks. Sometimes, that made Asteria feel superior. She'd smirk at her when Daphne, each morning, did her makeup. The large amount of makeup actually _did_ make Daphne look rather okay, though. And Daphne was popular, just like _Pansy_. She had a personality. She was considered like-able. She was funny… witty. Had status.  
Asteria was pretty. Just so very pretty. Pansy and Daphne was walking perfection, which Asteria was, firmly, _not_.

It was a wonder why people even talked to her. Basically, she started stuttering when someone whom she didn't know started talking to her. But Asteria _was_ confident. When she was alone, she was. She was, being a Greengrass, rather confident when she was with her friends at Hogwarts. So why not in the _real world_? Because of Pansy. And because of Daphne, who did whatever Pansy did. And because of Draco, Blaise Zabini and Tracey Davis. The only reason she could ever dream of being accepted by them was because she was _Daphne's sister_; "mini-Daphne".  


Daphne could be mean to her, she could be superior, she could sneer at her, mock her, make fun of her, call her stupid… But in a certain limit. She never crossed the line, though she might've exceeded it once in a while. She did _not _let other people say things about her sister, perhaps with an exception for _Pansy_.

Asteria hated Pansy. Always had, always was going to. She would never admit it, but Pansy was everything Asteria wasn't. Pansy was loud; Asteria was quiet. Pansy was outgoing; Asteria was shy. Pansy was witty; Asteria was nervous. Pansy was the fucking _Princess of Slytherin_. Pansy had boys pining after her, without being the most beautiful person on the earth. She got everything she wanted, anyway. And with a personality like that, people even _thought_ that she was pretty. Apparently, there's something very attractive with a laughing girl, instead of one who, well… _never _did it. Pansy wasn't _at all_ pretty according to Asteria, though. She was the ugliest, most spoilt little pug-faced bitch ever. Honestly, her parents should be ashamed.

Then, of course, there was another fact that made Asteria hate _miss Walking Perfection_ even more. Pansy had everything. _Everything_. And in that everything, Draco Malfoy was included. Asteria had been in love with him for as long as she could remember, but his eyes were reserved for Pansy only. Therefore, she hated Pansy even more. And even though she wanted to slap herself for admitting it, Asteria did admire Pansy. Wanted to be just like her. And _that_ made her hate Pansy even more.

In Asteria's forth, and Draco's sixth year at Hogwarts, their parents had made an agreement. When Asteria graduated, she was to be Draco's wife. They'd get married as soon as she was out of school. Asteria remembered that windy and cold October night on which her parents had announced the arrangement to her. She remembered being so scared. Each time she saw Draco, she felt like she was being punched in the stomach. _He didn't want it. _He was so angry with his parents for doing it, for planning out his life completely without him. Asteria saw and Asteria understood. As soon as he'd see her, he'd glare. When she made one of her weak attempt to start a conversation with him, he'd snap something at her and leave without waiting for an answer. Asteria would get stomach ache again. _He wanted Pansy. He didn't want to marry Asteria_.

Daphne seemed to be ashamed of Asteria and of everything she did, from there on. She wouldn't even _nod_ at her if they passed each other in the corridors, in the Great Hall, in the common room… She just hid behind Pansy, who gave Asteria a dirty look.

One evening in June on the summer between Asteria's forth and fifth year, Daphne had knocked on her door. Asteria had let her in, and Daphne had placed herself on Asteria's bed. Asteria remembered just standing there and watching her sister for a long while. She looked slightly sad. Then she had spoken, forcing herself to half-smile at Asteria.  
"Lucky you, getting married to Malfoy. He's well hot, isn't he?"  
Asteria didn't know if her smile was a real one, or if she was faking from head to toe, but she did look a little less bothered. Asteria smiled a little back at her. There was an awkward silence, and then they both looked at each other and started laughing. Slightly _nervous_, but still _happy_ laughing. For a brief moment, it felt like Asteria was with the old Daphne. The Daphne she knew before Pansy came along. It felt like she'd gotten back her _sister_. But then Daphne sobered and got up from the bed, still half-grinning. "Pansy's really pissed at him. Malfoy, I mean," she said. Oh, that they could nothave one bloody _conversation _without mentioning _Pansy_. Daphne gave out a small laugh and turned to look out the window as Asteria replied, "I'm sure."  
They were both still for a while, then Daphne said, "Well… See you around, sis," and left the room. Asteria's smile faded away and she let out a tensed breath which she didn't notice ever holding in. She felt the longing to just cry, and cry, and cry… Daphne was so false. She was so _Pansy_. To _think _that she only came in there because she felt bad, because she needed acceptance…

Draco had gotten nicer to her in the end. At least, he was civil. Maybe he'd realized that there was no way out of the arrangement. Or, as Asteria kept telling herself, he'd grown to like it.

On the wedding day, Asteria had been so happy. Everyone's attention was on her. She was beautiful, she was wearing an amazing wedding gown, and she was going to marry _Draco Malfoy_. Yes, _Asteria _was going to marry _Pansy's_ Draco. And there was nothing, absolutely _nothing_ that Pansy could do about it. Pansy_ Parkinson_ was powerless. And, oh, how good that felt. Pansy spent the entire ceremony giving Asteria death-glares; Asteria just smirked. She was untouchable. For once in her life, she had what Pansy wanted most. And for once in her life, Pansy couldn't have it. Asteria could've kissed the ground when Draco uttered the words. _The words._ He said them to _her_, not to Pansy.

The memory of the wedding made Asteria stay happy for several months into their marriage. Of course, then she didn't know what was going on behind her back. Of course, then she didn't know just how easily Pansy could get Draco back. And then she didn't know that Pansy already _had_…

Draco had always been pining after Pansy like some love-sick puppy that couldn't live without her attention. At Hogwarts, he'd always tried to impress her, look _"cool"_ in her eyes. He'd asked her to the Yule Ball; they'd been prefects together; they'd joined the Inquisitorial Squad together… They'd even made badges and come up with this song about one of the Gryffindor quidditch players or something like that… They'd done everything together, always. They were Draco & Pansy, Snitch & Bitch, Dragon & Flower, Prince & princess of Slytherin…  
Everyone though, with certain, that they were going to live happily ever after. How could Asteria even _think_ that that was going to change just because she got _married _toDraco? He would never see her, because he just saw Pansy. He'd never look at her the way he looked at Pansy.

It had been going on for quite some time now. Six months, at least. How slutty can you get? Right after the wedding… Gosh. Asteria pretended not to know. She pretended not to notice or understand anything. But she _did_know. She _did_ know when Draco came home late at night after "working late" with the collar of his shirt not as well-made as it was earlier that morning, and the smell of women's perfume all over him. He smelled like _her_. Asteria _did_ know that it was going on several times a week. 

She _did_ know. She also did know that it didn't bother Draco the least, to be cheating. She knew he had no guilt feelings, whatsoever.

They still did it, though, Draco and Asteria. Had sex. Asteria had started to reject it lately, though. She knew why he did it, and it didn't feel good, thinking he only did it for her not go get suspicious. But then, to think that Pansy, yet again, had something Asteria didn't… Pansy had Draco many times a week. She had him coming in her bed. The thought made Asteria feel sick. Sometimes, she couldn't help but to imagine them in bed together. She wondered how Draco looked like when coming really hard. Asteria couldn't say that she knew. With her it was just "in, out, and we're done". Like he just wanted to get it over with. But then, that was probably exactly how it was.

What Asteria couldn't understand was what it was about Pansy that was so amazing. What Pansy had that Asteria didn't. Why Draco was so in love with Pansy, and not with Asteria.

She could just _see_ them together, laughing behind her back, thinking she was so stupid not noticing anything. She could _see_ Draco telling Pansy how much he loved her. She could _see _him being gentle with her in a way he'd never been with Asteria.

Sometimes, she wished she'd walk in on them. Just the thought made her get stomach ache, as usual, but she could just imagine it… Maybe Draco would _beg_ her to forgive him; maybe he'd say he didn't know what he was thinking; maybe he'd say that he only loved _her_, his wife, and that Pansy meant nothing to him. But maybe he wouldn't. And Pansy… Maybe Pansy would beg for forgiveness, too, and tell Asteria that she only shagged her husband because she wanted to be just like her…  
Asteria would be the victim; she'd be the one to feel sorry for. Everyone would be on Asteria's side, and everyone would think Pansy was a slut and that Draco was a... Man-whore.  
Asteria had made up several excuses for Draco in her mind, because, after all, he'd most likely be the one she'd be able to forgive, being so in love with him and all. But now… She was running out of excuses for him. And he didn't exactly help.

So she kept on living in this world of fake ignorance. She kept pretending.


End file.
